i am strong, i am beautiful, i am me

I AM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING
by yogi sivananda

Let the whole world oppose me,
Let all turn out as my enemies,
Let all my friends and disciples leave me.
Let me be put in the prison,
Let me be sent on lifelong exile,
Let me be burnt alive,
Let me die of hunger.
Let me be poisoned or crucified,
Let my body be cut into pieces,
Let people come to stab or cut my throat,
Let me remain without anybody to help me.
Let thunderbolt fall upon my head.
Let me be thrown into the sea.
Let me be trampled under the feet of an elephant,
Let me be rolled down from the summit of a mountain.

There is no fear in my heart: none.
I am immortal Soul, Sivoham, Sivoham !
I have powdered Death, and Maya and its effects.




let's just say that this is how a broken heart feels, and i have overcome that obstacle recently. i'm still in pain and so confused in love's game, but i still feel my strength underneath it all and i know i will survive, and be a better person b/c of it. i've even started writing really good poetry, i see why so many great songs and poems come from heartbreak. i'm really impressed with myself, i will post some up here but some are a little too harsh and have too many bad words in them ;) those of you out there in love and with love, cherish it but don't let it blind you to who you really are. those of you w/o love, embrace your independence and do not wish for that which you don't have. be happy no matter what, with or without someone else's love you are still you and you are still beautiful. yes i am waxing poetic but i'm a poet now, goddamit :)

oh and i'm leaving southeast asia tomorrow morning and heading to India!! finally...wow i can't believe i'm actually leaving a love in SEA (southeast asia) and heading to the motherland. my pride and heart are in need of some comfort and care. my new adventures, wow. it's like a whole new trip for me. i'm a different person than when i left california. so much stronger, more open, confident, loving, and humbled. i never thought i would be able to go through what i've been through the past four months. it feels like it's been a year. but in SEA four months is like a year, it's comparable to 9 months in europe. backpacking here is easy but conditions aren't: guesthouses can be shite, food is rough, and locals can be very difficult. but it is so worth it and i wouldn't give it up for anything.

i'm ready for india, SEA is like bootcamp for india. i've stayed in rooms that were no more than a dirty dirty dirty mattress on the floor of someone's attic, with no toilet in the entire town (that pretty much consisted of a hundred people or so). i've starved while trekking for 8 hours up a mountain only to be squished by 6 other people in a double bed. i've eaten meat that would make a nutritionist cringe. i've been on buses for 10 hours packed with livestock and locals. i've held my heart and hand open to those in need and those that others would turn away, and i have no regrets.

tears come to my eyes right now b/c i'm at a crossroads and have made a very difficult decision, but i am choosing me for the first time in my life. i might be giving up something truly special but i will never know unless i let it go. if it comes back, then it was meant to be. but that letting go is so painful. i'm doing it even though it would be so easy for me not to, but i am. thanks to the support and love from my friends i am holding on to my integrity. i am so thankful for the experiences i've had and keep having. i'm so blessed in this life.

for today only anger not, worry not
be humble
with gratitude work on myself
be kind to all