A tide has turned

Today is like a breath of fresh air. I still feel energetically tired, but in my heart I feel happy and blissful and I have had a smile on face most of the day (except when I was reading "The Omnivore's Dilemma" and started to get a bit riled up about corn, of all things. Random, yes, but don't get me started...) I am very much aware of my present situation and what is going on with me and my environment. I am here now, given an opportunity for much needed rest, clearing, and preparation for what is to come. I am going to be very very busy in the near future, and in order to do what I need to do most efficiently and successfully, I need to be at my best and brightest without any doubt in my mind.

So I have been given this impeccably timed week where I just arrived, and two of my three flatmates are out of town for ten days, the third is not around so much, and the downstairs neighbor is dogsitting this week. At first I was a bit upset b/c I wanted to be surrounded by laughter and people and activities and collective meals... only to wake up day after day alone and occasionally having a quick convo with Julie or Shannon, and that is it. Plus the internet connection isn't sufficient for proper streaming of movies or quick clips, so youtube and hulu and all that are totally out of the question. I often wondered what I would do if there were no TV around and I was as exhausted as I am now. The TV at my house in San Diego had super cable and lots of movies and documentaries and I could always find something intellectually stimulating if not just entertaining.

Now I'm finding out what it's like to really make good use of this freedom... I haven't even been called to do much crafty work or drawing, other than what I did on Sunday while listening to the campanile concert on campus, so it's no wonder I felt that I was going slowly insane until yesterday, when I rediscovered my writing. And then I had a great conversation with Melissa in the evening, and I just felt... well, like me again. I hadn't felt that present or stable since Saturday. It had been a long four days, let me tell you.

Today I've been doing stuff all day, but not in the way I thought I "should" before. I already have an interview tonight for a room in a big co-op and it seems like a great way to connect with other people. I've responded to some job postings and I keep getting shown these little teasers, little reminders of why I'm here and what I will be doing very soon. They aren't exactly what I'm looking for, b/c I have to create the program myself, but they are just enough to keep me on track and to know that I am totally supported and guided at all times.

I'm realizing just how passionate I am about food, farming, the direction of this country, and even the world. We are moving away from sustainability, reliability, accountability, and community. I don't get saddened or disheartened by any of this. It really makes me want to work even harder with the children so they will be aware of all this. People just don't know what is going on and are so distracted by the media, they don't even think to question the food they are putting in their mouths and their children's bodies. When I sat down with my parents and very calmly explained all that I've learned about food production and farming, my dad just said, "well, I believe that you are totally right about this." No arguments, no questioning of sources, just total acceptance of the truth. He knew I did my homework and b/c I didn't get outraged and yell at him about the food on his plate, he was really open to what I was telling him.

I don't know if he will change his eating habits at all, but at least he is aware. Or was aware for the twenty minutes I was talking. It made me really understand the power of knowledge and of a calm demeanor. I read somewhere recently that if you discuss something in a calm and friendly manner, people are bound to think you wise. If you argue about the same topic, people will think you pompous and irritating and will most likely become defensive. So if you want someone to listen to you, be friendly. Know the facts, and say them with a smile and earnestness. Passion doe not mean screaming in someone's face. It means walking your talk and using your own life as an example.

I know that nutrition, yoga, meditation, and travel have all changed my life. Saved me from the doldrums of ordinary existence. I will be so happy when I can share this with kiddos and have them experience it for themselves. I had a conversation with myself today and basically explained what I want to do with kids and why, and I was so impressed with my clarity of vision. I know what I want to do, I know what I want to say, and I know that I am fully capable of doing it right now. Just like Carol said, I don't need any further training to do what I'm here to do. She said, there might be a one year certificate I feel that I need, but I really don't need anything. That certificate may be the yoga training at the Niroga Institute, although I'm not sure if I really want to do that just yet.

Yesterday I was chomping at the bit, ready to go full speed ahead, into the next big thing. Today I am sitting back, realizing that I'm in the middle of something huge already, and I'm enjoying the ride. Deep breaths, upturned corners of my mouth, and warm fuzzies in my heart... what else could a girl ask for...